So the Planets Did Align…But What About the Dust?
After checking up on the recently crippled ScYtHRadio website, I found that perhaps the planets really did align four nights ago. ScYtH coincidentially posted a news brief with the same theme…a miracle, according to him. Not a miracle, says I. It’s all about the dust. Since we seem to share content a bit here, I “stole” some graphics off his site (not really, just borrowed without asking). They’re edited screenshots taken using a program called Celestia, available by clicking the ScYtHRadio button under the Affiliates section of the Sidepanel (there ya go, ScYtH, free visitors). The only reason the screenshots are edited is because I compressed them so that they’d load a bit faster. A 3.5 Mb file is a bit high even on a cable modem, and I still remember the pain of dial-up, so I had to get the size down some.
Screenshot One (Source):
Screenshot Two (Cloud):
There were images here, once. Just use your “imaaaginaaation.”
Why did I ruin this perfectly good computer-generated photo of our solar system with my greenness? Because I used this greenness to circle (or oval, if you want to be technical) a large dust cloud thing that seems to be moving toward us. Being a scientific type of person, I just had to come up with an explanation for this phenomenon. Most would say it’s the asteroid belt. Nay, says I. This is no belt. It is missing a buckle, if it is. And who would wear it? Nay, this is a cloud of dust, sent to us by troglodytic, shriveled creatures from afar.
This dust is a rare delicacy in their world, and it has been sent via UniSex (not the bathroom, Universal Express) to our solar system as a greeting from their race. FedEx and UPS combined didn’t have the trucks to carry it this far, so they had to rely on the stars to guide it. And so, this dust traveled millions of lightyears, finally reaching its destination two days ahead of schedule. For this, UniSex demanded an extra payment. When the aliens refused to pay the $3.96 on the invoice, UniSex was outraged and called a workers’ strike, where the workers actually strike things with rocks. This wiped out the aliens, and no one cared. Except them.
With its debts settled, UniSex merged with our beloved (or not) Microsoft, wrongly called Microshaft or M$ by antisocial Linux forumlurkers. Microsoft took UniSex and made it into a new operating system for dog leashes, enabling owners to pay more money to Microsoft, making them happy, or so they thought.
The dust cloud, which has reached our solar system and now sits right at our front door, as promised by UniSex in its guarantee. Sadly, we are too weak to open this door, for we are confined to our Internet to give us solace when we fail, and so we become addicted. The dust gift remains unreceived, a violation of the policy signed between the aliens and UniSex. Now angry, the single troglodyte left after the massacre has pressed charges under the name Tomatito Pennfeld Yakson and will soon begin another anti-trust suit to attempt to cripple the American economy and be generally annoying, like the last one.
And as the dust settles after this case (metaphorically and literally), the gift dust will settle around Earth, knocking out satellites like a solar flare when the magnetic field flurps. We, the dust people, people of the dust, dust settlers, dust enjoyment beings, or, humans, will revel in the mysteries of this dust that is so abundant in Arizona, the long forgotten province of lore.
The above text was written on a whim. I have no logical reason for its existence, other than that it explains a lot. About what, I do not know. That, my friend, is for future generations to discover. Until that time, when enlightenment is brought to all, and I no longer need to gain inspiration from movies like Apollo 13 and aritists like Dali and musicians like U2, I shall wait. And the dust shall continue to envelop me.